The brown duck is gone!

Beeves in the Night

You look into their eyes and all you see is white shining in the darkness. They gather round you as if called by some shaman, these thunderous beasts. Shambling monsters they congregate around you, heads up, horns proud. Each one weighs ten times what you are and could trample you beneath their hooves. The herd gathers in silence at your beck. You -- you who stand before such a powerful, frightening audience -- you bring them water.

Seriously, it's kind of freaky to have 19 very large cows slowly gather around you as you fill up their water troughs by headlamp/starlight. The light from the headlamp catches in their eyes and makes them look like demon cattle who are going to kill you. It's incredibly surreal, slightly offputting, and also makes you feel a little bit like a sorcerer. I recommend you try it.

On the other hand, trying to find a black cow (or a black pig) in the darkness is almost impossible, even with a headlamp.

This Dinner Is Offal!

Saturday night, to celebrate Halloween, Dom and I went to an offal dinner at the Meat Market, a local butcher shop owned by a friend of ours. Offal is innards – all those parts of the animal that people normally toss out. So, dinner went something like this:

Drinks
They call it a Blood Sucker. Tonight I am a vampire! Well maybe not. But this Tabasco-ginger-beer-vodka-cranberry is delicious. An EYEBALL garnish?! Okay, this evening just got way more serious than I thought it would be. Oh? It’s just lychee? That’s cool, I love lychee. Phew.

Amuse-Bouche, or Mouth Fun

I see three small bites in front of me. One is chicharrones made with testa, i.e. pig’s head (so we aren’t screwing around with fake eyeballs anymore, I guess). The second lamb kidney. The other, chicken tongue. Think about why no one in the states serves Mouth Fun as a precursor to dinner. Try not to think about how I’m kind of frenching a chicken.

Course 1 – The Salad

Ah. Salad, totally normal. Nice baby greens. Yum. What’s this? Bacon bits! Oooh, yum. Oh wait, that’s pig ear? Tastes like bacon. I’m cool with that. There’s some other kind of animal tongue in here. I had no idea I’d be getting so much action tonight.

Course 2 – Bone Marrow

By far, this is the coolest dish yet. There’s a freakin’ cattle bone on a platter in front of me. I can totally see why cavemen used these as clubs. Or mammoth bones. Or whatever they used. I guess I’m just assuming cavemen used clubs because that’s what depictions of cavemen always look like. Did I just eat a little bit of bone chips when I was digging the marrow out? Oh well, this marrow is freakin’ delicious.

Course 3 – Fettucine… So You Think

A little bit of pasta. Who doesn’t like pasta? People like pasta; it’s a very safe thing to make if you’re feeding lots of people. But… what if… the fettucine is strips of pig skin? Whoaaaa. And the bolognese sauce? Kidney again. Pig kidney. There’s an unusual dirty earthiness but otherwise, yeah, this tastes like fettucine bolognese.

Course 4 – Onions and Liver

Ah, we’re being upfront again. Yes, beef liver, we have met before. I recognized you even though this time you’re cooked and not being sliced up to feed to the dog. Oh my, you are delicious. Why are we feeding you to the dog? I want to eat you and your sweet tempura onions and sautéed brussel sprouts frequently. Make sure to bring your bacon jam and chicken liver sauce with you as well, because those guys are a lot of fun too. Your flavors are kind of exploding my mouth right now. Forget about that Amuse Bouche, this is the real Mouth Fun.

Course 5 – Something Something Something Cassoulet

What’s a cassoulet? Is it like a casserole? Oh, no, I guess not. It seems like some stuff kind of baked on top of some beans. But oh what beans. Yes, they are just beans, and they are delicious. But there is *blood* sausage on top! I am a vampire! And I will gladly vampire these sausages anytime. What a sentence that was. There’s something else going on here too – but honestly, I’ve lost track of what innards are what at this point. Let’s just stir it all around and put it in my mouth. The more fun in my mouth the better. Okay, gotta stop with these sentences. But seriously, is this kidney? Liver? Skin? Ear? Tongue? Foot? Gizzard? Heart? Who knows anymore.

Course 6 – I forgot

Sorry. Also, good chance this is actually Course 2.

Dessert
Chocolate blood orange sorbet! Oh, I get it – that’s funny. A blood orange at an offal dinner. Wait. It’s… not… real blood is it? Oh good, good, yeah, of course, haha I was just— yup. But seriously, dis bacon bark doe. I’m really glad I got to put all these animal insides inside of me, but I dig the non-offal dessert. Good stuff.